Trudeau asks Scheer to send out more spam texts to distract from SNC-Lavalin scandal

Justin Trudeau watches with disbelief as Andrew Scheer tries to explain a magic trick he once saw while Elizabeth May tweets to remind Canadians they have more than two choices when they vote this year

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is under renewed pressure with the latest developments in the SNC-Lavalin scandal after he had Jody Wilson-Raybould and Jane Philpott removed from the Liberal caucus. "I'm trying to make them the scapegoats to this situation," Trudeau explained in a statement to the press. "After all, if I hadn't been stupid enough to try and help SNC-Lavalin after they'd clearly become a greedy and immoral company, and naive enough to fall for their tactics, I wouldn't be in this mess now when the public discovered what I and my office had done. So I'm attempting to frame this as two bad actors trying to damage my reputation, much like that one woman tried to do to Brett Kavanaugh down in the states."
"Thankfully, I'm aided by Andrew Scheer in this, who did something as equally stupid as I did, if not more so, by sending millions of Canadians unsolicited spam texts pointing out my effort to tax pollution emitters. If I'd played this cooler, not let egos get in the way, and just admitted to the mistakes we've made, the Liberals probably could have ridden that blunder into a sweeping victory this election. But since that's not what I've done, and instead double down on making ourselves look guilty, Andrew Scheer will get some leeway, since most Canadians seem to forget that they don't have to vote Liberal or Conservative, which does contribute to why both of us feel we can get away with these kinds of actions. Why do you think I broke my promise of the last election being the last 'First Past the Post' election? Because that's the only thing that keeps the Liberals and Conservative in power on the Federal level, that people feel it's an us or them situation. We have an agreement to help each other out and keep us both from looking too bad in the eyes of Canadians."
"That why I'm evoking our sacred agreement Scheer, written in the finest maple syrup, upon the smoothest birch bark, as we canoed across the stillest water, and asking you to send out another set of text messages. Just so long as they aren't about this mess, since this is what we need a distraction from. I probably didn't need to evoke the agreement, since Scheer does have a tendency to kick himself in the face every so often, but I wanted to made it more of a certainty than not."
Trudeau ended his statement without answering any questions from reporters, but if he does start answering questions people want to ask him, we'll let you, our fine readers know as soon as possible, just keep refreshing the page!