Trump calls current President the reason for all of America's problems

Trump during his first Presidential bid in 2000

In a surprising series of tweets last night, Donald Trump went on a tirade against the US President, seemingly forgetting that that is in fact him. The tweets started at 2:47 am and went on for a little over an hour, starting when Trump said that "All these problems Americans are dealing with are the President's fault. If it wasn't for him I wouldn't be under all these investigations too! WHICH HUNT!"
"If the Present was a real American he wouldn't be targetting rich people like me, because I am the picture of rich people, BELEAVE IT! That's why I'm always under audit, because he's jealous of my richness!"
"Weive all these ILLEGALS coming accross our border because we have no wall, I keep saying we need wall, wall good, wall strong, tall wall no fall, but president listen to me, smartest, richest America? No! FAKE NEWS!"
"AMERICANS want a "good" president, not the "bad" president they have. You know what I mean by "bad" right! Everybody knows what I mean, Michael Jacson made it clear they're all "bad" so remember to call them "bad"."
"That;s why the REPUBLICANS are "good" people, because they're all "good" people, but the lying democrates, they'll let "bad" people in, like the bartender and the muslim, just because NANCY told them to, because they think "bad" people can vote, which is how they trickd AMERICA into letting a "bad" man be president, even though he didn't have the popular vote!"
It is unclear if Trump forgot that he is the current president, or if for some reason he thought Barack Obama was president again, but if we have any more developments we'll let our faithful readers know.

Republicans contemplating impeaching Trump to launch their presidential campaign

Several Republicans were reported having a meeting to discuss impeaching Donald Trump in an effort to boost their own chances of becoming the Republican presidential candidate. "It's not surprising," political analyst David Oyster commented, "given that Trump's been polling at his lowest yet, and the Democrats seem to be organizing themselves better this time, they're probably getting worried that if they let Trump continue as is they'll loose the election. Considering how the Mid-term Elections went, I can't blame them."

"Plus they have a lot to work with, given how, well deplorable Trump has been and his past actions are coming out to haunt him, they could easily jump on that and point out the contradictions in his actions. The question will be though, will there be an opportune time to flip on Donald? That's probably what this meeting was about, at what point do we toss him out. Because as much as the Republicans probably don't actually like Trump, they're probably afraid to split from the party line for fear of splitting the party. The Tea Party nearly did that, and they know that the Democrats are much more resistant to division within the party, so if the Republicans aren't united, there's a good chance the whole party will break apart. So they're probably just calculating the best time," Oyster concluded.

If we learn more about Republican secret meetings, we'll let our readers know.

Republicans upset their new Tough on Crime bill would close Minimum Security Prisons

Butner Federal Correctional Institution, a Minimum Security Prison in North Carolina, USA

Republicans are upset at one another after it was pointed out by Democrats that their latest proposed Tough on Crime bill would cause nearly every Federally funded Minimum Security Prison in the USA to be closed due not being tough enough on crime. The new bill was in part designed to introduce "minimum punishment requirements" for prisoners, including things like mandatory solitary confinement, and that prisons that are unable to meet these requirements will loose their federal funding. The majority of Minimum Security Prisons however do not have things like solitary confinement, thus making them immediately fail the new requirements.
"I'm surprised more Republicans weren't aware of things like this, seeing as how a lot of them have been ending up in jails like these lately," Democrat staffer David Oyster told us. Republican donors are particularly upset at the Republicans for this oversight, given how many of them currently are in or have family in Minimum Security Prisons.
Republicans have promised to fix the issue by including exclusions for Minimum Security Prisons currently populated by a majority of members of the Republican party. We'll release a list of these prisons when it becomes available.

Republicans start picking hills to die on after massive Trump inquiries revealed

After the U.S. House committees launched sweeping inquiries into Donald Trump and his associates, Republicans have begun fighting one another as they try to claim hills for their political carriers to die on.
While some Republicans managed to get an early start on this during the
Michael Cohen testimony last week and managing to earn some new nicknames, with notable stand outs including Jim "Bad Timing" Jordan, Paul "Knock-off Kinko's" Gosar, and Mark "Black Parader" Meadows, other Republicans have begun fighting one another over other possible hills to martyr their political careers over in an attempt to appease their base.

While none of them have managed to plant their flag into any one hill yet, rumors report that there has been much dispute over positions like "Frog Lover", a reference to White Supremacists co-opting the Pepe the Frog meme, "Nation Birther", a reference to the KKK's Birth of a Nation as well as Trump's racist Birther conspiracy, and "Red Republican", reportedly a reference to the Republican Party's subtle support of Vladimir Putin.