Trump announces he's going to become a Monk

Donald Trump showing off his "Kung Fu Action" between interviews on Fox News

"I'm going to become a Monk," Donald Trump announced today during a long and rambling speech. "I'm going to get one of those cool robes, those look really nice to wear, like a bathrobe, and they can do those really cool moves. I can already do really cool moves, you've all seen my, my Kung Fu Action, with my hands, when I'm moving them around, that's my Kung Fu Action, I can break stuff like that, I'll show you all sometime, sometime I'll show you all. But I'm going to learn those cool moves that I don't already know, like the flippy flips, and the water walking. Oh, I can't wait to learn the walking on water part, can you imagine what that would do for my golf game? Oh, my ball, my only ball, it's on the water? Well watch this I'll say as I walk onto the water and shot my ball for a hole in one, that's how good I'll be. They'll call me Donald 'The guy that always gets holes in one' Trump. That's a great nickname, isn't it? That's why I'm going to become a monk, cause you also get a cool name, like 'Iron Lung' and 'The man who can't be killed with fists and punching'. I'm going to get a cool nickname like that, so I want one that makes me sound awesome, like 'The man who turns the stuff he touches into money making gold' or 'One touch from his awesome totally normal size hands will kill men and make women so horny you wouldn't believe, they'll just get naked right there', those are both great nicknames. And then I'll get to do those jumps, jumping around from flag pole to flag pole, that'll make for some great pictures, me up on flag poles. Oh, and I get to learn those instant death moves too, why hasn't a President ever tried to learn those before? I'll tell you why cause none of them were as smart as me. Just imagine, I can walk into a room with a bad person, go to shake their hand, and bam, they die standing and fall over. And they'd never suspect a thing! It's the perfect crime! So now I've just got to find a guy to come here and teach me. The secret service, they don't have a guy for that, can you believe it? But I've got connections, I'm really smart remember, so I'll find somebody, maybe from China, they love me there and they can all do this, so it shouldn't be hard to find someone. We should be stealing their skills like this more after all if all the Chinese came over on a boat and attacked us a lot of people would get hurt before I could rush in with my Kung Fu Action, so if you love America you should be becoming a monk like me. Because becoming a monk is the first step to becoming a monkey and getting a cool tail that lifts stuff and be a super smart buddy you can talk to, and who wouldn't want that?" It was at that point that Mike Pence told Trump he had some executive time he needed to attend to, and so left reporters without answering any questions.
It is believed that Trump came to this decision after watching a Kung Fu Movie Mrathon on TV earlier, but this is just our speculation after glancing at TV Guide. If any of our readers have any explanation for Trumps actions, please share them with us, so that we might understand what's happening. If any of our readers provide us with one, we'll update you here, so keep refreshing the page.