Mike Pence suffers heart attack after discovering his nipples

Mike Pence looks lovingly at Trump after "No Homo" was explained to him

Vice President Mike Pence was rushed to hospital last night after suffering a heart attack. The secret service was quick to respond and Pence will reportedly be fine as medical staff are reporting it was a minor heart attack and quickly treated. Secret service reports of the incident say that Pence suffered the heart attack after seeing his bare chest for the first time in his life and discovering that he had nipples. Pence responded to this discovery by shouting loudly "I have nipples, I'm a woman!", drawing the attention of his secret service handlers, before suffering his heart attack.
"It's a fairly common occurrence for religiously cloistered men," Doctor George McMillion explained. "They grew up afraid of any sort of sexuality, and as they get older, they get more and more afraid of any sort of feminine expression, especially by men, and if they've grown up not exploring, or even not looking at their own body, then the slightest discovery can cause serious mental breakdowns as all these flimsy walls they've built around them get torn down. We call it Straw House Syndrome, after the three little pigs, since the slightest breeze can bring them down and they'll go out of their way to avoid facts."
"In Mike Pence's cause, from the secret service's report, I'm guessing that he's probably gone through life avoiding looking at his own body, probably from some misguided assumption that looking at any male body, even his own, would cause 'Homosexual urges' or some other ridiculous and misinformed thought like that, and so was completely unaware that men had nipples just like women. So when he discovered the truth, he had no way to process this information, jumped to the conclusion he was a woman, and promptly suffered a heart attack. I imagine whoever has been treating him has had to explain multiple times that both sexes are born with nipples. I don't envy them, dealing with Straw House Syndrome is an exhausting process. I hope Pence gets the help he needs."
If Pence's condition changes or any other politicians are revealed to have Straw House Syndrome, we'll let out readers know, so keep refreshing the page for the latest updates.