Doug Ford trying to stare down some student protesters outside his old high school
College drop-out and leader of the Progressive Conservative Party of Ontario Doug Ford responded angrily to student protesting his proposed cuts to their education yesterday. Doug has called the students a wide variety of things, including "Union thugs", "Crisis Actors", "Uneducated Simpiltons" and a variety of other non-sensical insults in an apparent effort to dismiss their feelings about his effort to cut over 10,000 jobs and millions in funding from education in Ontario, a move that even some of Doug's most loyal allies are calling "Just plain stupid."
Sam Oosterhoff, the Parliamentary Assistant to the Minister of Education of Ontario, who talked to us on the condition we alter his voice, which we assured him wouldn't be a problem, said that "Doug is being a huge idiot doing all this. I kept trying to explain to him kids today are way more connected and opinionated that he thinks they are. It's no secret that Doug went to a high school for rich stupid kids and dropped out of college before they could flunk him, so I don't think he has the best opinions of kids and educated people. Thankfully I got a superior education by being homeschooled and being kept away from all those nasty kind of people that attend public schools, but being 21 years old Doug still relies on me to represent the voice of youth. So I tried to suggest that he space out the cuts over a few years, as well as make homeschooling more attractive since it is the superior form of education, but Doug wanted the money in Conservative pockets sooner than later. I did try to warn him about how nasty and vocal publically educated kids can be, but he wouldn't listen to me. That's one thing I've learned about Doug Ford, he doesn't really listen to others, even people in his party. It's his way or you end up with gangsters shooting your car in the middle of the night."
"So now Doug's got all these students protesting against him, and it really pissed him off, because he didn't think students would even know what's going on. And he went to his old high school out in Etobicoke, Scarlett Heights Entrepreneurial Academy, which they were taking as an opportunity to let the students get some first-hand knowledge about protesting. Ford didn't like that since the students immediately recognized him and used the opportunity to protest at him directly. Doug was particularly upset that some of the signs used language he didn't understand, and I don't just mean that they used big words he didn't understand, which they did do, but they also wrote protest signs in French, Spanish and Chinese, which Doug didn't understand. This got him furious, especially one he found particularly cutting about how he was proof that evolution could go in reverse, which I tried to explain to him was stupid since evolution doesn't exist, but this didn't seem to be much comfort. He'd gone there for a potential photo op and ended up being mocked in ways he didn't understand. He tried to talk to the students, starting with one student who didn't seem to be participating in the protest, but when Doug approached him, the student thanks Doug for making time in his schedule to be humiliated by children. Doug was taken aback, and once I explained what the word humiliated meant, he was outraged and stormed off back to the car. A lot of the children were being cruel and saying it was a 'sick burn' and Doug was 'totally owned', but I assure you if any of them had actually burnt or bought Doug we would have pressed charges. I do think we need to look into implementing laws that would allow us to own people though, it would be a great boon to the economy, and if we applied it to people who were outspoken about our government it would keep people from speaking out and punish those that would think they could get away with such a major insult."
"At any rate, a lot of people are calling Doug stupid for all this, but I do want people to know that Doug isn't stupid, he just doesn't have the best luck when it comes to thinking. But he doesn't have bad thoughts. He's too smart for that. He's conservative smart. That's better than regular smart, even if it isn't as smart as regular smart, it's still better, because it's conservative smart. And Doug doesn't let regular smarts get in the way of his ideas, because he's devoted to spreading those ideas all over the place, with our help of course. He's the one who produces the ideas, and then throws them at us so we can through them around. Because we've got to fight against everyone else's opinions to get them to think Doug's ideas are good ones, and it seems like we're fighting against 70% of Ontarians these days, be just because they don't like our ideas doesn't mean we don't have to the power to implement them, so regardless of what they think, we think Doug's ideas are good ideas so we don't have to spend a lot of time thinking about his thoughts. Because that's what being conservative smart means."
We did reach out to Lisa Thompson, Ontario Minister of Education, for comment, but have yet to hear back from her office at the time of writing, If we do, we'll be sure to update our lovely readers, so be sure to refresh your page every few minutes for the latest updates we can provide!
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