Doug Ford looking over "his racehorses" in test of his school betting plan
Doug Ford revealed a new plan to help fund schools, by allowing people to bet on children's performances. "We bet on horse races, so why not kid races?" Ford said. "That's easy to do, that's why we're here today, to do some dry runs. Heh, I just got that, dry run. Anyway, as part of my efforts to expand gambling options in Ontario, we're going to be having some kids run today and I've setup some of my friend to bet on them. In the future we want to bet on more than racing, like tests, projects, exams, all that stuff that kids get judged on. They're already going to be judged on all that anyway, so we should be profiting off it."
"So what we're looking to do is set up cameras in all the classrooms, we got a Chinese firm already offering us a good deal, which will let us stream the kids to people out there so they can watch how they're doing and then bet on how which kids they think will do well on the next test or project or whatever. This will also help with larger class sizes since we'll have more eyes in the classroom, and if kids are getting a lot of bets on them they might even be able to take a cut of that money for themselves. It'll be a great incentive to do well in school."
Critics have been quick to point out the privacy concerns of live-streaming children, as well as the possibility of making grades a competition between the children with cash prizes. Doug dismissed these concerns, saying "Kids already have tons of cellphones, they don't have any privacy anymore, so stop whining. Kids have to learn don't they, and what better way to learn they'll always be minnows that by letting sharks watch them all the time and maybe throw them some fish food if they perform well. It'll be teaching kids about real life, that's all I've ever tried to do, teach kids about real life. You try to impress people, you knock up some broad up, you inherit a business from your father, you get hated by people for telling them the truth, that's life you know. So teaching that to kids is a good thing isn't it? Now then, I've got to get over to the betting table, the races are about to begin."
Doug then proceeded to loose $200 on the kid races that day, although we were unable to confirm if that was real money or test money as Doug didn't seem to want to talk about it, saying it "wasn't worth paying attention to". We'll let our readers know more, like how to identify the best kids to bet on, in the future, so keep tuned fine readers!
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